Below is a brief post from a mother whose daughter is just a week behind Harrison in treatment. Like Harrison, she had to be hospitalized fighting an infection a week ago. This post captures the fear and despair so many families facing childhood cancer experience. When I read this I know she means. There are no easy answers to give her, or my wife, or myself in all of this. But there does remain a hope in our Triune God.
After the hospital stay, I find myself feeling like I did when my daughter was first diagnosed. I haven’t cried in months, but tonight I’m a wreck. She has handled treatment so well and life has been pretty normal with enough every day drama to distract all of us, but that has all been trumped by this hospitalization. I am so sick of being scared. There is no fear like the fear a parent has when their kid has cancer! I’m constantly checking her temperature. A complaint of a sore throat is terrifying! A stranger at the grocery store that coughs is enough to put me over the edge. The scariest thing is that I have no control, I just have to take it a day at a time. My daughter, my baby, has cancer, and even as I say it, it’s so hard to believe. Another 2.5 years of treatment, and there is the fear of relapse, the fear of secondary problems due to the chemos. I am so scared and when I actually allow myself to “go there” it is overwhelming! I’m not a brave and strong as I come off, I’m a mom trying to keep it all together, and right now I’m grateful for my daughter being fast asleep because I am a mess!
As you read this, consider not only praying for this mom and tens of thousands like her, but also consider whether you might be able to connect with moms and dads in this situation. I hope to have some suggestions of ways to help coming soon.